Just recently I’ve been thinking a lot about my self confidence and how it relates to my size. Actually, perhaps it’s the opposite – I’ve been thinking about my size, and what effect it’s had on my confidence over the years.
A few weeks ago I came across this blog post over at Fuller Figure, Fuller Bust (which I INSIST you read after you’re finished here) where Georgina goes into detail about why she doesn’t hate skinny women, why slender women and curvy women shouldn’t be pitted against one another, and why the body snarking war so utterly ridiculous. Whilst I found myself nodding along in agreement, it was her sign off that has really stuck with me;
“every woman has the potential to be perfect in the eyes of someone else”.
Now everyone has personal preferences. You’re entitled to them. From food, clothes and sexual positions, to height, shape, or weight – one man’s/woman’s ‘trash’ is another’s treasure. Some gentlemen prefer blondes. Some women prefer their boyfriends to be taller than them. When it comes to my figure, I personally feel more confident as a size 12 than a size 10 or 14. My body has changed as I’ve got older – it changes when I exercise, it changes when I eat a weeks worth of cake in one sitting, and it will change when I have children – but the one thing that hasn’t changed since I turned 14 years old is my height. Many of us have those “I wish I was thinner/curvier” moments, but your height is one aspect of yourself that you cannot change, that you have to learn to love like nothing else; it’s something that will barely alter you’ve gone through puberty.
The idea that every woman has the potential to be perfect in the eyes of someone else is a beautiful concept, but unfortunately it’s something humanity has lost sight of thanks to a constant onslaught of media telling us who has “piled on the pounds” or become “scarily skinny”. To be fair to the press, it isn’t entirely their fault; this is something we do to each other all the time. We judge people by their appearance more than ever before – through blogs, through Facebook, over Twitter, through Instagram with hashtags like OOTD and WIWT…is it any wonder that everyone is a little on edge about their looks?
Over the years I’ve been on the receiving end of some rather ridiculous comments, and I wanted to share a few with you. Why? Because it’s cathartic. Because it will hopefully encourage you to laugh at the haters, to give them the middle finger, and reclaim your confidence. Because it’s not about being perfect in the eyes of someone else, but feeling happy in your own skin. Yes it is an up hill battle, but with inspirational women like Georgina out there, it’s hopefully one that we can climb together.
You’re…observant? Seriously, what is the response to this supposed to be? If I had a pound for every time someone has pointed this out to me, I’d be a millionaire. There have been the occasional moments of positivity, like when a group of slightly tipsy girls in the queue for the toilet decided to tell me that they wished they were as tall as me, but for the majority of the time I hear the words, “you’re tall” it comes with a negative undertone. Would you shout “you’re fat” across the road to someone? I hope not. I could go on and on about how men who are the same height at me never get asked this question/aren’t starred at in the street…
“You shouldn’t wear heels”
Oh really, why not? Because it makes you feel inferior? This kind of attitude really gets on my tits. For me, this pessimistic view comes from the same group of people who think that all curvy women should hide behind baggy clothing. It’s absurd. I am 6’1 and like to wear 6 inch heels every now and again – so shoot me.
“You look like a drag queen”
You might snigger, but this has happened to me – and many of my tall girlfriends – on more than one occasion. Now I LOVE a good drag queen, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to be aesthetically compared to a man.
“You could be a model”
Ahh, the double edge sword/backhanded compliment. Men have tried to chat me up this way, and honestly? It’s bloody embarrassing. The pure focus of the ‘compliment’ is aimed at my height, which immediately makes me defensive. When women you don’t know say it, it’s even worse. If you respond with a polite thank you instead of automatically being self-depreciating, will they think you’re a self-centered bitch? Yeah, probably.
“Do you find it hard to get a boyfriend?”
You might be surprised how often I’ve been asked this, and how willing people are to just come right out and say it to your face. It’s kind of a shock to the system…like someone is judging your self-worth and condemning you to a life of singledom in one fell swoop, and for what, being Amazonian? Sure I’ve dated men who’re are my own height, but I’ve fallen for guys who are shorter than me too; I can’t change who I fall in love with anymore than you can. To be honest, it can be difficult to find a man who doesn’t care if you’re taller than him. Call it intimidation, call it an inferiority complex, call it childish; it is what it is. On the opposite end of the scale, I’ve been hit on by men who have a fetish for tall women. I’ve been offered money to walk across a mans back in nothing but a pair of heels. I’ve missed out on dates because guys are too shy to approach a girl of my stature. I’ve been groped inappropriately and I’ve even had guys start fights with me because I’m at their eye level.